last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
