The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
