Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
