I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
