I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize