I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Randomize
