I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
