I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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