i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
