I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
