How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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