i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
