Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
