"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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