So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Randomize
