let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
