i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize