if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
