Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
