dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
