I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
