On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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