he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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