Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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