I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
