its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
