Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize