Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
