Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize