My first STD was from a foam party
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
