Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
