i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
