hell yes lets make some ravioli
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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