So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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