I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
