Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
