Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
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