this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
