Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
