I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
