OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
its liver damage thursday
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
