yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Randomize
