She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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