Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
