a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
The Olympian is in my bed
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
