After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
This is classic penis vs brain.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
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