so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
