Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize