A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
