i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Randomize
