the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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