areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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