i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
