Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
