John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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