Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
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