Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
