good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
