we're chasing vodka with high fives
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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