I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
he fucked my hip out of place.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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