Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
