you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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