I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
and eventually we just all took our pants off
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
