Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
