Please, let me fuck your mom
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
